Hats Off To You

The writers set off fireworks in the backyard.

Mars: WHOO!!!!! 

Nick: Why are we even setting fireworks off durring the day? We cant see them?

Fatfan: Exactly! People will hear them and be like "what was that?!"

Dr-J33: Well I duct tapped morlock's ipod to one, so I'm okay with this.

~~~~~~

Morlock: Hey Duke, you see my Ipod?

Duke: No.

Morlock: Eh, no biggie... I still got the songs on my library.

~~~~~~

Fatfan: Lets light the big one up!

Fatfan gestured to a massive firework.

Dr-J33: (Imitating palpatine) Do it!

Fatfan lights it as him and Dr-J33 start laughing.

Fatfan: GAME GRUMPS REFFERENCE!

They laugh louder.

Fatfan: We're all happy and having fun which means we're gunna experience tragedy soon! 

The firework tips over, now aimed at the two.

Fatfan: Uh oh.

Fatfan Tackles Dr-J33 out of the way of the firework as it goes off, knocking his hat off in the process.

Dr-J33: Wait-

The firework flys over the hat, igniting it before flying through a fence and exploding in the Congressman's house.

Dr-J33: My hat!

Dr-J33 rushes to his burning hat and tries to put it out.

Dr-J33: HELP! HELP! CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT!!!

Mars and Nick stared awkwardly at Dr-J33.

Nick: Its just a-

Dr-J33 glares at them with Zalgo eyes.

Dr-J33: DONT YOU DARE SAY ITS JUST A HAT!!!

The hat burns into ash.

Dr-J33: N-No......

Dr-J33 picks the ash up and lets it flow through his hands.

Dr-J33: No...hat.... Hat?....... 

Dr-J33 starts screaming into the sky.

Dr-J33: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-

Fatfan: Poor Doc..... 

Mars: Hes that devastated over his hat? Is it that important to him?

Nick: He once kicked a guy in the balls for playing keep away with it.

The congressman storms in.

Congressman: YOUR LUCKY I'M RICH OR SO HELP ME GOD-

Dr-J33: SHUT THE FUDGE UP I'M GRIEVING OVER MY DEAD HAT YOU OLD FART!!!!

Congressman: Oh..... Sorry about your loss.....

Mars: Your sympathizing with him? 

Congressman: I once had a yankees ball cap signed by the whole team.... My brother sold it to buy a car....... Treasure your headwear, it wont be there forever.

The congressman left.

Nick: Eh, he'll be fine in the morning.

THE MORNING.

Dr-J33 sat at the table with a horrified look on his face.

Nick: Wow he must really like that hat. 

Mars: Doc?.....

Dr-J33 was still frozen in horror.

Mars: You just have to let it go.... Let it-

Dr-J33 whipped out a handgun and shot mars in the shoulder without moving his head. 

Mars: GAH! 

Nick: Doc we can go hat shopping okay?

Fatfan: Or steal one!

Dr-J33:....

Fatfan: Okay he looks pretty bad. 

Nick: Lets cheer him up.

-------

Nick walked in holding a pizza box

Nick: I got you a pizza from your favorite place.

Fatfan dragged in a tied up Greg Ayres.

Fatfan: I kiddnapped that Greg guy you hate, wanna fry him?

Mars ran in holding a copy of the Danganronpa 2 manga.

Mars: I got this thing!

Dr-J33 looked at them.

Mars: I think its working!  

The lights shut off and when they turned back on the pizza box was open and empty, A skeleton was lying on the ground, Greg was missing, the Manga was lying on the ground with a bookmark in it, and Dr-J33 had pizza sauce around his mouth.

Nick: How did he do that?

Fatfan: My god.... He let Greg loose and put my fake skeleton on the ground!

Dr-J33: No I tore put his vocal chords too.

Dr-J33 held up a vocal chord.

Mars: Okay I got one last idea.

Nick: You know I kinda wanted a slice of that pizza-

Dr-J33 glared at Nick. 

--------

The writer van parked in front of a warehouse.

Mars: Its a warehouse full of hats. One of them should be a good replacement.

They get out of the car, Mars carrying Dr-J33. 

Nick: Hows that sound Doc?

Dr-J33:.........

Fatfan: What if this fails too?

Mars: we replace his brain with that of a Charzard.

Suddenly the warehouse doors open and. Bunch of terrorists in hats storm out. 

Nick: Okay what?

Terrorist: How dare you infiltrate the secret base of the hat terrorists!

Terrorist: Shoot the nonbelievers!

They open fire.

Nick: Cover!

They dive behind the van and pull out guns.

Fatfan: Doc! We need your help!

Dr-J33: ..........

Nick peeked out the side of the van and started firing his M4.

Fatfan: Doc?

Dr-J33:......

Mars: Its no good! Hes in a trance!

Mars fired an Ak 47 at the terrorist

Fatfan: SNAP OUT OF IT DOC!!!!!

Dr-J33:....................

Fatfan: Crap!

Fatfan fired his Peacekeeper at the terrorists. Dr-J33 kept staring into space. 

________

Several famous hat wearers stood in the meeting room from the lego movie.

Abe Lincoln: I declare the order of famous hat wearers to be in session! 

Davy Crocket: I'd like to propose hats.

Pharell: No way! We need more hat!

Michael Jackson: HEE HEE!!

Dr-J33 ran in.

Dr-J33: Sorry I'm late, I missed the bus because it exploded.

Abe lincoln:......Your not wearing a hat!

They throw Dr-J33 out.

Dr-J33: Jerk! 

Dr-J33 got up and dusted himself off. 

Dr-J33: (mumbling) stupid Abe Lincoln... I'll never understood why Fatfan shipped me with him...

Voice: Hey dudebro, you seem kinda down.

Dr-J33's hat was floating next to him.

Dr-J33: Hat! Your alive!....And you sound like Tony Hawk!

Hat: I'm not alive Doc, I'm an illusion created by your brain to cope with the loss of your hat. Hats cant be alive. Well except for the one from Harry Potter. 

Dr-J33: But Hat... You were with me for so long... Through good times and bad. 

Hat: yeah, remember the time that guy stole me and you kicked him in the nads?

Dr-J33: That fucker totally deserved it.

Hat: And the time we went in the speedboat?

Dr-J33: Or the time we fought the magic robo dino naxis? 

Hat: We never did that.

Dr-J33: Oh... Remember the time we drank too much pepsi max and hallucinated that we fought magic robo dino nais?

Hat: Yeah... But those are memories, I'm just a hat. You can get a new hat, but you can never replace your memories.

Dr-J33: Hat....

Hat: I was getting old Doc, my color was fading, the wire in my brim broke, and lets face it I was flimsy as heck.

Dr-J33: And you smelt sometimes.

Hat: You'll have more hats Doc, better hats.... Now wake up, your friends are kinda fighting dor their lives.

Dr-J33: They'll be fine.

_________

Mars : WE ARE NOT FINE!!!

Mars blind fired an Ak-47 while Nick and Fatfan both fired handguns at the Terrorists.

Nick: WAKE UP DOC! WE'RE BEING OVERRUN!!!

Fatfan: I'm running out of ammo!

_______

Dr-J33: I'll get a new hat, a green one... Like you.

Hat: That's the spirit Doc. 

The hat slowly began to dematerialize. 

~~~~

Dr-J33's eyes hot open.

Dr-J33: Guys I decided to move on and get a new- what the hecks going on?

Nick: Hat terrorists.

Nick tossed his empty handgun to the side and pulled out his boomstick.

Dr-J33: Why?

Mars: Long story.

Dr-J33 peeked out from behind the cover.

Dr-J33: Hey that guy over there has a nice hat, looks brand new.

Dr-J33 reached into his vest and pulled out his handguns. 

Dr-J33: I'm going for that hat.

Dr-J33 vaulted over cover and fired his handguns rapidly at the Hat Terrorists. 

Hat Terrorist: WHUT DUH?!

Dr-J33 rushed at them, firing until his handguns emptied.

Dr-J33: You disgrace your headgear! 

Dr-J33 chucks his handguns at a terrorist, staggering him.

Nick: Why is he getting all the att-

Mars: Let him have his moment, hes getting over a loss.

Dr-J33 whipped out his machine pistols and gunned down several more terrorists.

Nick: Seriously, this is kinda-

Mats: Hes coping Nick, hes coping.

Fatfan grabbed Dr-J33's usas 12 from the van.

Fatfan: Catch!

Fatfan threw the gun at Dr-J33.

Dr-J33: HELLO!

Dr-J33 dropped his machine pistols and caught the shotgun. The last 3 terrorists took aim.

Leader: KILL HIM!

Nick aimed his Boomstick at the terrorists but Mars grabbed his arm.

Mars: It's his fight. 

Nick: I dont see why we cant just-

Mars: HIS FIGHT!

Dr-J33 charged at them.

Leader: FINNISH HIM!!!!!!

They all fire at Dr-J33. He dives under the gunfire and slides towards the three. Dr-J33 guns down two terrorists and drew closer to the leader.

Dr-J33: Nice hat!

Dr-J33 bolted up and wacked the leader with the butt of his gun, knocking his green hat into the air.

Dr-J33: I'M TAKING IT!

Dr-J33 aimed the Usas at the leader's head with one hand and caught the falling hat in the other.

Leader: D-

Dr-J33 blew the leader's brains out as he slipped the hat on.

Nick: Way to hog all the focus Doc.

Fatfan: So are you better? 

Dr-J33: Yeah, I'm over it... Now can we get some Taiwan food? I'm starving.

They get into the writer van and drive off into the sunset.

Mars: Gee this is cliche.

---

END

OF 

FIRST 

HALF

A woman walked through the aftermath of the gunfight.

Woman: Hm, someone got these guys before me... 

She bent down and examined one of the discarded handguns.

Woman: They appear to have been armed... And merciless...

The woman smirked and approached the corpse of the leader.

Woman: I'd like to meet whoever did this, thats or sure.

The woman walked towards a parked motorcycle and got on, driving away from the warehouse.

WRITERS 2015